I tell myself not to get used to any one schedule or routine because the second I do it changes. I know I shouldn't be surprised but somehow it still catches me off guard, probably because I like routine and schedules more than I'm willing to admit. Yet, I blame Ellie's preferene for routine on my husband. Ha.
After a solid week or two of no naps I took matters into my own hands. I refused to accept it and was still in the frustrated stage. I got a lot of feedback after my last post and decided Ellie probably wasn't ready to give up on naps quite yet. But, how does one get a toddler to sleep?
I've found something that has been working for the last week or two. I was trying to quickly get Ellie down for a nap so I could deal with a fussy, sleepy, hungry baby, and then get her down for a nap too. Instead, I tried putting Hazel down first, letting Ellie stay up a bit later, and then getting to spend better quality time reading and getting relaxed before naptime. I then lay with Ellie for a few minutes in bed while she falls asleep.
The positive side to this: Ellie has been napping for 2-3 hours almost every day and she usually falls asleep within 5-10 minutes! Big sigh of relief. Whew.
The negative: After a week of this I was starting to resent the fact that the ONLY way for her to fall asleep was with me by her side. I know, I know, I can't be happy with no naps and I can't be happy with naps. I try to avoid accidental parenting (developing random bad habits or routines to get a child to eat/sleep/do what you want in the moment but suffer long term consequences), and I felt like this was quickly turning into an unbreakable habit.
As per my usual emotional pendulum, I had a cryfest on Sunday afternoon. We were home from church and Ellie wasn't napping. Not only was she not falling asleep while I lay by her but she was hyper and twitchy and not laying still (silly toddler not wanting to hold still). That irked me. Since we got back from Oregon several weeks ago Ellie has been extremely clingy to me and won't let Daddy do much of anything (not from lack of trying on his part!), which means I have to put her to bed and I have to read her books and I have to comfort her when she's having a meltdown and I have to help her go potty. My perfect Toddler Whisperer antics weren't working and once again I felt defeated by the game of Getting-My-Toddler-To-Sleep.
I had a good cry and then had a few aha moments that helped swing my pendulum back the other way.
First aha: It wasn't just this one nap time that was frustrating me. The girls had been taking turns waking up in the middle of the night and I was getting less sleep and feeling extra tired. I'd been slowly keeping a list of things that were making me feel disorganized and overwhelmed. I'm learning as part of my personality that my life feels chaotic and I get stressed when this small list gets too long in my head.
What was stressing me out? Oh, things like Christmas is coming and oh my gosh I haven't even thought about gifts but I want to make homemade gifts which take a lot of time and energy and thought; and, our house is a mess and that makes me feel anxious living in a small space; and, I need to order more cloth diapers because I'm tired of using one or two disposables between every laundry cycle; and, I want to spend quality time with my husband who I feel I'm ignoring; and, what should I make for dinner this week?; and, well, you get the picture.
Second aha: Some days Ellie might nap and other days she won't. New plan: continue to do what I've been doing (put Hazel down first, then Ellie) and lay with her for a few minutes. But, give myself a time limit. I can usually tell if she's going to fall asleep within a few minutes depending on if she settles down and lets me tuck her in or not. If she keeps kicking off her blankets it's possible I may just have to leave her alone and walk away, for her sake and even more for my own.
Third aha: My husband is extremely patient. I've always known this but I'm constantly reminded of this fact.
Fourth aha: I need to be thankful I have two girls who sleep. I get naps and nights that are several hours of sleeping, whereas many of my friends have much bigger sleep issues to contend with. I should probably just stop complaining and whining altogether.
The girls seemed to have transitioned fairly well to Daylight Savings Time. (Tangent: Can someone PLEASE tell me why in the world we haven't abolished this practice, when farming is no longer a dominant industry in this country? I know there are more important issues for our politicians to tackle, but couldn't they just tack this on to some random bill like they do for so many other things? While they're at it, why don't they get rid of the Electoral College, too?)
Ellie has always been one to sleep in until 7/7:30 but since our trip to Oregon she has woken up between 6-6:30 almost every morning. Sometimes earlier. I'm hoping it's a phase but also embracing the fact that after two years this might just be her new wake up time. See? This is me growing and accepting changes to my child's routine.
And now I'm going to enjoy the rest of my coffee while I enjoy the peace and quiet of two girls napping.
Showing posts with label Ellie. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ellie. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Friday, October 26, 2012
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance
I'm in mourning.
I think I'm in the middle stages of the grieving process, somewhere between bargaining and depression.
I've lost my afternoon break. The glorious 2-4 hours when Ellie took a nap and I could do what I wanted. I napped. I read. I made myself an espresso. I watched a guilty pleasure TV show. I crafted. I cleaned. I caught up on emails. I prepped for dinner. I did nothing. Whatever I did, it was MY time to recharge. Alone. Quiet. Ahhhhhhh.
And now....
I can't say it's 100% gone, but it's morphing. Since we returned from our trip to Oregon Ellie has stopped napping. I can blame it on our switch to the toddler bed, or maybe potty training, or maybe turning two. Regardless, this has been hard for me to accept, which is probably why it's the last stage of grief. Instead, I was trying to force sleep. You can't force sleep. Duh. I'm a very light, restless sleeper, so I know that willing sleep isn't enough to make it happen, especially on a squirrely, stubborn two-year old. But oh, how I've tried.
I've tried ignoring her, I've tried not letting her out of bed, I've tried laying down next to her. I've tried taking away toys. I've tried threats of losing out on fun post-nap activities. Nothing is working.
On Tuesday I experienced a little something I'd call a classic mom-of-a-toddler meltdown. I was frustrated and had lost all patience in the nap time department. I believe I was in the denial stage. I was hanging on to every shred of nap time possibility I could. Ellie was constantly getting out of bed to play and I had tried all of the above, and then some. I found myself getting truly angry and fired up. To be honest, I was outraged and afraid of letting my anger get the best of me. I had to leave her alone to calm down, but not without some tears on my part. We've chosen not to spank for several reasons, but I felt on the verge of desperation and physical restraint. I called Michael sobbing because I was scared of my own frustration and anger. I needed a breather. To talk it out. To change my attitude towards naps. Something. Anything. My sanity was slowing ebbing away and something needed to change.
(I don't want to explain the complex reasons we don't spank in this post. If you're curious, for a little further reading from a Biblical perspective on why NOT to spank, using the same references most Christians use to justify spanking, click here.)
I realize naps for Ellie might be mostly in the past. She has fallen asleep in the car a few late afternoons after she hasn't napped, but the lack of sleep doesn't seem to make her cranky. I'll take that. She will still have quiet time where she can read books in bed or play quietly. I still need my time to recharge. So does she. What I've had to let go of is waiting until she falls asleep to relax. It used to take her up to an hour or more to fall asleep followed by a minimum 2-3 hour nap, and I held my breath until I knew she was out before I really let my hair down. Now I just need to close the door and use my shorter time as best as I can.
The other battle is that this is the only time of day Ellie has accidents. I can't figure out if it's a control issue, as in, she's using her wet accidents as an excuse to get out of her room, or, if she doesn't understand that she can communicate her need to go potty while in her room. I've tried explaining this several times in various ways, to no avail. This only adds to the frustration that has become my afternoons.
Today I will choose to count my blessings. At least Hazel is usually napping during this afternoon quiet time. This is still my time and I can use it well. Only now instead of complete silence I hear the chattering of my two-year old as she reads and talks to herself in the next room.
I'm choosing to release my expectations and control of the afternoon. I still look forward to nap time, or I should say "quiet time," but not in the same way. Ellie still hasn't taken a nap in days, but the time she's in her room is much more peaceful and respectful. I'm not losing my sanity trying to force the impossible and have accepted the reality of the situation. Maybe I've made it to the acceptance stage after all. Good-bye, glorious long naps. You'll be missed.
Today during nap time I was able to wash dishes, start some laundry, make myself a coffee (though it turned cold before I finished it), and write this post. I was only interrupted a handful of times due to things like two wet accidents and a toddler tantrum that woke up my sleeping baby in the next room, and ended with a bit more quiet time. It has yet to be determined if my awakened baby will fall back asleep, or that I'll finish my coffee. Here's to hoping.
I think I'm in the middle stages of the grieving process, somewhere between bargaining and depression.
I've lost my afternoon break. The glorious 2-4 hours when Ellie took a nap and I could do what I wanted. I napped. I read. I made myself an espresso. I watched a guilty pleasure TV show. I crafted. I cleaned. I caught up on emails. I prepped for dinner. I did nothing. Whatever I did, it was MY time to recharge. Alone. Quiet. Ahhhhhhh.
And now....
I can't say it's 100% gone, but it's morphing. Since we returned from our trip to Oregon Ellie has stopped napping. I can blame it on our switch to the toddler bed, or maybe potty training, or maybe turning two. Regardless, this has been hard for me to accept, which is probably why it's the last stage of grief. Instead, I was trying to force sleep. You can't force sleep. Duh. I'm a very light, restless sleeper, so I know that willing sleep isn't enough to make it happen, especially on a squirrely, stubborn two-year old. But oh, how I've tried.
I've tried ignoring her, I've tried not letting her out of bed, I've tried laying down next to her. I've tried taking away toys. I've tried threats of losing out on fun post-nap activities. Nothing is working.
On Tuesday I experienced a little something I'd call a classic mom-of-a-toddler meltdown. I was frustrated and had lost all patience in the nap time department. I believe I was in the denial stage. I was hanging on to every shred of nap time possibility I could. Ellie was constantly getting out of bed to play and I had tried all of the above, and then some. I found myself getting truly angry and fired up. To be honest, I was outraged and afraid of letting my anger get the best of me. I had to leave her alone to calm down, but not without some tears on my part. We've chosen not to spank for several reasons, but I felt on the verge of desperation and physical restraint. I called Michael sobbing because I was scared of my own frustration and anger. I needed a breather. To talk it out. To change my attitude towards naps. Something. Anything. My sanity was slowing ebbing away and something needed to change.
(I don't want to explain the complex reasons we don't spank in this post. If you're curious, for a little further reading from a Biblical perspective on why NOT to spank, using the same references most Christians use to justify spanking, click here.)
I realize naps for Ellie might be mostly in the past. She has fallen asleep in the car a few late afternoons after she hasn't napped, but the lack of sleep doesn't seem to make her cranky. I'll take that. She will still have quiet time where she can read books in bed or play quietly. I still need my time to recharge. So does she. What I've had to let go of is waiting until she falls asleep to relax. It used to take her up to an hour or more to fall asleep followed by a minimum 2-3 hour nap, and I held my breath until I knew she was out before I really let my hair down. Now I just need to close the door and use my shorter time as best as I can.
The other battle is that this is the only time of day Ellie has accidents. I can't figure out if it's a control issue, as in, she's using her wet accidents as an excuse to get out of her room, or, if she doesn't understand that she can communicate her need to go potty while in her room. I've tried explaining this several times in various ways, to no avail. This only adds to the frustration that has become my afternoons.
Today I will choose to count my blessings. At least Hazel is usually napping during this afternoon quiet time. This is still my time and I can use it well. Only now instead of complete silence I hear the chattering of my two-year old as she reads and talks to herself in the next room.
I'm choosing to release my expectations and control of the afternoon. I still look forward to nap time, or I should say "quiet time," but not in the same way. Ellie still hasn't taken a nap in days, but the time she's in her room is much more peaceful and respectful. I'm not losing my sanity trying to force the impossible and have accepted the reality of the situation. Maybe I've made it to the acceptance stage after all. Good-bye, glorious long naps. You'll be missed.
Today during nap time I was able to wash dishes, start some laundry, make myself a coffee (though it turned cold before I finished it), and write this post. I was only interrupted a handful of times due to things like two wet accidents and a toddler tantrum that woke up my sleeping baby in the next room, and ended with a bit more quiet time. It has yet to be determined if my awakened baby will fall back asleep, or that I'll finish my coffee. Here's to hoping.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
The Many Blankets of Ellie Grace
Michael's mom quilted this one.
And Melissa's mom this one.
Michael's coworker picked this interactive one up from a great store.
And Melissa's mom this one.
Michael's coworker picked this interactive one up from a great store.
And finally, this one was made by another MCC co-worker.
She's is going to love them all!
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Ellie's Birth Story - as seen from Michael's eyes
Sunday afternoon arrived, and we packed and prepared to head to the hospital. It was a bit weird to just take our time and head in as though nothing was happening. You always picture yourself frantically finding your keys, rushing to the hospital, and timing contractions as you go. But this was different, we strolled into the front doors of the hospital, checked ourselves in, and got ready for the ride. We’re separating this post into three sections, since our labor experience split itself naturally into three different parts.
Induction
The nurse started the induction process around 5:30 pm Sunday night. This meant that a suppository that helps dilate the cervix was given to Melissa and was supposed to work for about twelve hours. For many women it takes the full twelve hours for the suppository to work. By 7:30 pm, two hours after it was administered, Melissa was feeling contractions about every three minutes. The contractions got stronger and stronger, and by 11:00 pm Melissa was feeling full strength contractions that were lasting 30 - 45 seconds. They continued to come every two to three minutes all night long, and progressively got stronger and stronger. By 2:00am Melissa was dilated to 1 cm. The contractions continued. By 6:00am Melissa was in quite a bit of pain, so the nurse checked her progress again. She was at 4cm. I was the pain management tool, since Melissa didn’t take any medication. It was a long, but exciting night of watching the baby’s heartbeat on the monitor, helping Melissa get through each contraction, and doing whatever I could to help her be comfortable. Melissa quickly got more and more tense during each contraction. Soon she was asking for some narcotics to take the edge off the pain. The nurse was going to get the medication when she thought to review the heart rate monitor logs. The nurse noticed that Ellie’s heart rate was dropping during each contraction. It would return to normal pretty quickly, but it was progressively getting a bit worse during each contraction. So she informed us that Melissa could not go on any narcotics since they affect the baby and would reduce her heart rate (which is bad since it was already going too low.) Being the trooper she is, Melissa managed to make it through another hour, to 7:00am without any medication. She went to the restroom and I noticed that her bed was pretty wet. She noticed some leaking as well and we were excited to see that her water had broken. Things seemed to be moving along pretty well now. Melissa’s doctor came in, checked her out, and decided she was still at 4cm and that in fact her water had broken. I called the grandparents and told them it might be time to come.
On Edge
Right around 8:00am, Melissa decided she would get an epidural since she was so tense during each contraction. This was a tough decision for us, as she really did not want an epidural, but she had worked so hard and with the baby’s heart rate struggling a bit she was concerned that the tension was causing distress in Ellie. The epidural was administered and Melissa began feeling much better and was only slightly noticing the contractions. Ellie’s heart rate continued to drop during each contraction, and started taking longer and longer to come back to normal. The nurse tried changing Melissa’s sitting positions, to see if that helped, but it didn’t. Ellie continued to struggle a bit. The baby heart monitor that was strapped to Melissa’s stomach wasn’t picking up Ellie’s heart rate very well, so they inserted an electrode monitor that attached itself to Ellie’s scalp. By 8:45am the nurses were concerned about Ellie enough that they pulled our doctor out of a surgery to get his opinion and talk with us. It was clear that Melissa was not making much progress, and so the remainder of labor would be long and painful, and since Ellie’s little heart was struggling, and even just a few more hours might put her into true fetal distress, causing other problems. The other option would be an emergency C-Section to get Ellie out quickly before any other problems occurred. We decided that all we wanted was a safe and healthy baby regardless of how she got here. We told this to the doctor and we all decided a C-Section would be the best. We prayed over Melissa and Ellie with the nurses bustling about. Once we were done Melissa was wheeled off to the operating room. I put my ridiculous scrubs on, and waited in the empty room we had occupied for twelve hours. Twenty minutes felt like an hour. I was worried they forgot to come and get me.
C-Section
I walked into the delivery room. Melissa was wide awake and looking at me. I sat with her for a bit as the doctors worked their magic. At 9:13am I stood up, looked over the sheet between Melissa and the doctors and saw the most beautiful back end of a baby I have ever seen. I went over, grabbed Ellie as she coughed and gurgled, and carried her over to get a glimpse of her proud, tired mama. I think it was love at first sight. I put her down, cut the cord, and then went back and got our first family photo.
Ellie had a pretty severe angled cone head. The doctors informed us that this was because she was trying to come out slightly sideways, and at the same time her umbilical cord had somehow gotten placed across the top of her head, essentially blocking her from making any progress down the birth canal. This was also most likely causing Ellie’s reduced heart rate since each contraction put pressure on the cord. Had Melissa continued to labor naturally, most likely no progress would have been made and could have cause unthinkable damage to our little one.
When I walked into the nursery with Ellie to get her checked out, the pediatrician said to me (knowing that we really did not want to have a C-Section), “There are way too many unnecessary C-Sections in the world today, but this was not one of them.” We feel so lucky to have a safe and healthy baby, and we already love her so much.
The nurse started the induction process around 5:30 pm Sunday night. This meant that a suppository that helps dilate the cervix was given to Melissa and was supposed to work for about twelve hours. For many women it takes the full twelve hours for the suppository to work. By 7:30 pm, two hours after it was administered, Melissa was feeling contractions about every three minutes. The contractions got stronger and stronger, and by 11:00 pm Melissa was feeling full strength contractions that were lasting 30 - 45 seconds. They continued to come every two to three minutes all night long, and progressively got stronger and stronger. By 2:00am Melissa was dilated to 1 cm. The contractions continued. By 6:00am Melissa was in quite a bit of pain, so the nurse checked her progress again. She was at 4cm. I was the pain management tool, since Melissa didn’t take any medication. It was a long, but exciting night of watching the baby’s heartbeat on the monitor, helping Melissa get through each contraction, and doing whatever I could to help her be comfortable. Melissa quickly got more and more tense during each contraction. Soon she was asking for some narcotics to take the edge off the pain. The nurse was going to get the medication when she thought to review the heart rate monitor logs. The nurse noticed that Ellie’s heart rate was dropping during each contraction. It would return to normal pretty quickly, but it was progressively getting a bit worse during each contraction. So she informed us that Melissa could not go on any narcotics since they affect the baby and would reduce her heart rate (which is bad since it was already going too low.) Being the trooper she is, Melissa managed to make it through another hour, to 7:00am without any medication. She went to the restroom and I noticed that her bed was pretty wet. She noticed some leaking as well and we were excited to see that her water had broken. Things seemed to be moving along pretty well now. Melissa’s doctor came in, checked her out, and decided she was still at 4cm and that in fact her water had broken. I called the grandparents and told them it might be time to come.
On Edge
Right around 8:00am, Melissa decided she would get an epidural since she was so tense during each contraction. This was a tough decision for us, as she really did not want an epidural, but she had worked so hard and with the baby’s heart rate struggling a bit she was concerned that the tension was causing distress in Ellie. The epidural was administered and Melissa began feeling much better and was only slightly noticing the contractions. Ellie’s heart rate continued to drop during each contraction, and started taking longer and longer to come back to normal. The nurse tried changing Melissa’s sitting positions, to see if that helped, but it didn’t. Ellie continued to struggle a bit. The baby heart monitor that was strapped to Melissa’s stomach wasn’t picking up Ellie’s heart rate very well, so they inserted an electrode monitor that attached itself to Ellie’s scalp. By 8:45am the nurses were concerned about Ellie enough that they pulled our doctor out of a surgery to get his opinion and talk with us. It was clear that Melissa was not making much progress, and so the remainder of labor would be long and painful, and since Ellie’s little heart was struggling, and even just a few more hours might put her into true fetal distress, causing other problems. The other option would be an emergency C-Section to get Ellie out quickly before any other problems occurred. We decided that all we wanted was a safe and healthy baby regardless of how she got here. We told this to the doctor and we all decided a C-Section would be the best. We prayed over Melissa and Ellie with the nurses bustling about. Once we were done Melissa was wheeled off to the operating room. I put my ridiculous scrubs on, and waited in the empty room we had occupied for twelve hours. Twenty minutes felt like an hour. I was worried they forgot to come and get me.
C-Section
I walked into the delivery room. Melissa was wide awake and looking at me. I sat with her for a bit as the doctors worked their magic. At 9:13am I stood up, looked over the sheet between Melissa and the doctors and saw the most beautiful back end of a baby I have ever seen. I went over, grabbed Ellie as she coughed and gurgled, and carried her over to get a glimpse of her proud, tired mama. I think it was love at first sight. I put her down, cut the cord, and then went back and got our first family photo.
Ellie had a pretty severe angled cone head. The doctors informed us that this was because she was trying to come out slightly sideways, and at the same time her umbilical cord had somehow gotten placed across the top of her head, essentially blocking her from making any progress down the birth canal. This was also most likely causing Ellie’s reduced heart rate since each contraction put pressure on the cord. Had Melissa continued to labor naturally, most likely no progress would have been made and could have cause unthinkable damage to our little one.
When I walked into the nursery with Ellie to get her checked out, the pediatrician said to me (knowing that we really did not want to have a C-Section), “There are way too many unnecessary C-Sections in the world today, but this was not one of them.” We feel so lucky to have a safe and healthy baby, and we already love her so much.
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