A Comparison and a Throwback

This picture showed up on my Facebook a couple weeks ago. It's me and Ellie 4 years ago on Easter Sunday (while pregnant with Hazel).

Today I put Ruby in the same dress, and couldn't help but look a little more closely at these two.

On another note, last May Ruby was dedicated at our church. I wrote about it and posted this picture of Ruby with 93 year-old Mario. Mario passed away this week. 

Here's to Mario. Rest in Peace.

Remembering Last Year

A year ago today I was headed to my 39 week check-up. I assumed I had at least another week or two, considering both my girls were induced close to a week past my due date. I had plenty of work to finish up, and my mom was going to be arriving that weekend. The girls were going to be starting a new school that week. Everything was planned and under control.

39 weeks, heading to the hospital

I didn't have an ultrasound with either of my other girls at 39 weeks, but I did with Ruby. And thankfully so, because the doctor could see the cord wrapped around her neck, and recommended a c-section within 24 hours. I'm so thankful that we were here in Guatemala, with this doctor, who saw this.

So, plans changed, I panicked a bit, mostly thinking about the girls and what to do with them. (We were so thankful to live next door to wonderful neighbors whom we trusted to take care of our girls).

I remember stopping by the school the next day, a couple hours before we headed to the hospital, to take care of a few last minute details before school started. I was so sad I'd be missing the girls' first day of school. It felt surreal to be running errands, knowing with a scheduled c-section that day we were hours away from holding our little Ruby Mayana.

I remember laying on the cold, sterile bed in the operating room. A swirl of Spanish around me, trying to focus on the words. I felt surprisingly alone. Tears kept trickling down my face. I was scared for Ruby, thankful at the same time, knowing this was for the best. (As you can see in the picture, the anesthesiologist was my buddy, kept me calm, and loved using his English with me).

One of my favorite memories was caught on video: right after Ruby was born, she was crying and Michael held her by my face, and I started talking to her...and she stopped crying when she heard my voice.

And I can't help but post a few favorite pictures from those first moments in the hospital with all three of my girls, even though most of them I posted last year.




Happy Last Day of Being 11 Months, Ruby Mayana!

How I Lost Almost 30 Pounds in 3 Months

I gained a lot of weight during each of my pregnancies.

Michael and me on our 5-Year Wedding Anniversary, a month before getting pregnant with Ellie.

Best diet? One year without meat or desserts.

I gained 50 pounds with Ellie.

70 with Hazel. 35 with Ruby.

Several days past my due date for Hazel.

Before I got pregnant with Ellie, Michael and I had just spent a year fasting from desserts and meat. I was working a part-time job and had plenty of time to work out. I was in the best shape I'd been in since college.

First pregnancy photo, the week I found out I was pregnant with Ellie.

I tried to work out during my pregnancies. I bought DVDs with former Olympic women who did squats and belly push-ups, and they of course looked amazing. I tried but I still gained much more than the recommended 25-35 pounds. At some point in each pregnancy I told myself, I'll lose the weight after the baby is here. 

With Ellie, I mostly did. It practically melted off with nursing, as I was told could happen. With Hazel, it did not melt off. It lingered and stubbornly refused to go away, and I still had it when I got pregnant with Ruby.

With Ruby I stuck to my goal and was able to gain what my doctor wanted (he was worried about my history and having a big baby, while also hoping to have a normal delivery). However, since the day I left the hospital with Ruby, I hadn't lost a single pound. Even months later, still nothing.

In June we went on Home Leave to the US, and thanks to eating out and enjoying the foods and restaurants we don't have access to here in Guatemala, I gained even more weight.

Also while on Home Leave, Michael bought me a FitBit. If you don't know what it is, it's a watch that counts steps, calories burned, flights of stairs, and mileage.

I am a competitive person. Be it card games or competitions, I want to win (and often do. Ha.)

With this new little tool, I set a goal to achieve, at the minimum, the 10,000 daily step goal preset with the FitBit.

When we got home from the US, I really committed myself to this. I went on multiple walks a day with the girls in our neighborhood. I strapped Ruby in the Ergo and walked after dinner to calm her down before bed (she was pretty fussy at this time every night, and walks were the only thing that seemed to soothe her). I walked and I ran and I snuck in walks whenever I could, and I hit those 10,000 steps fairly easily.

I started losing weight. I started eating a bit less at lunch and dinner (smaller, better portion sizes) because I knew I was going to exercise soon after meals.

What continued to push me is a great feature of the FitBit. You can connect with other FitBit users online, and even compete with them for daily or weekly steps. One week I was invited by someone I know to join a weekly competition with several other people (whom I didn't know personally). My competitive nature stepped it up! I was suddenly competing with other people. I'd get updates throughout the day on my phone of who was ahead and how many steps I needed to achieve my daily goal. A couple other people had similar step counts to mine, and we pushed each other daily and weekly.

Besides eating better, I did my P90X videos in the afternoons while my girls rested (those give me a good 3 or 4000 steps). We'd go for bike rides where I could run with the stroller. Something else that I have never done before in my life: I became a night time exerciser. I have always aspired to be a morning, wake-up-at-the-crack-of-dawn-to-work-out person, and I've done it in clusters, but I always burn out.

This was new. After the girls are in bed (this is still my routine most days), I head outside and run on our street. We live in a small U-shaped neighborhood, and I run up and down one street. It's the only safe place to run at night. But I do it, and am so thankful we live in a space now where I can run. I recently discovered the magic of listening to podcasts while working out. I run so much further and can go so much more time because I'm listening to a story and want to hear how it ends. 10 more minutes, I tell myself. I've always gotten bored running long distances, and one can imagine how boring it is to run up and down the same street for 30-60 minutes, but, with a podcast on, I barely notice.

Lately I've been running 3 or 4 miles a night. Soon after I started in these weekly challenges I changed my daily goal to 12,000 steps.

In August and September I was sick for about 6 weeks, and rarely got half of my goal steps. It was discouraging to not be able to stick to my routine, but finally, I felt better and hit the steps again. I also lost weight during this time, which kept me from getting too discouraged.

I am currently only a couple pounds away from my first major goal. Ironically, my scale broke this week, so I don't know exactly where I fall, but I know I'm close. It's still a work in progress, but I'm continuing to push myself.

I'm proud of where I am now. Including the weight I gained in June, I've lost about 30 pounds. I feel better. I am more confident. I have a nightly ritual that includes quiet time just for me. And I plan to continue all of these things.

I decided to share about my weight loss experience for a few reasons, including that recently several friends have also shared their own weight loss journeys.

For some people, joining a gym works. I know a lot of people who can't join a gym for financial or other reasons. I know some people don't have time or energy during the day to exercise with little kids or with jobs.

For others, joining online accountability groups or other diet/exercise programs work.

For me, living in a foreign country, with three small kids who can be tiring in their own sweet ways, I've had to make my situation work for me. I've had to change my routine. I get steps in when I can. I walk when I can. I became a night runner.

Having a FitBit really has made a huge difference for me. (I should say I am not getting any compensation for this. I just really like the idea and the product.) The accountability with strangers, and also friends and family, combined with my own competitive nature, has really pushed me. I realize that for people who aren't competitive or who could care less what strangers are doing, this might not work like it did for me. But every week I start with a clean slate. I compete and check in and can track my steps and others'.

There have been countless days when I wake up utterly unmotivated. There's a fat chance I'm not going to get my steps in that day. But then I focus on it one hour at a time. I convince myself to take a walk with the girls. After the girls are in bed my husband does the dinner dishes so I can feel free to go for a run. Watching those steps add up pushes me to add more.

During our last week in Oregon in June, we had a friend take some family photos. Though he is a talented professional, I wasn't thrilled with the photos. Not because of the quality of the work, the photos were wonderful, but because by the time we saw the pictures I had already started losing weight. The photos are me at my heaviest non-pregnant self that I've ever been.

June Photo Shoot. Still wearing maternity pants, 5 months after Ruby was born.

This is probably my favorite photo.

Bonus points if you spot the spit-up on my clothes. 

These photos, and others in this time period, are my base. They are evidence of how far I've come, and will go. So I'll keep them and share them. And I'll keep pushing myself.

Studies prove that when you write down a goal, you are exponentially much more likely to achieve that goal. I'm hoping that by sharing my experience, I will continue towards my final goal, and maybe encourage others to share their goals.

3 months ago, and today (wearing my FitBit, of course).

In conclusion, get a FitBit and join me! I need more competition and would love to encourage you too.

On Knowing She's Our Last

Having our third (and final) child has already been a fascinating experience. Today Ruby is 5 weeks old. There is such a range of emotions with a newborn in the house, and it's definitely true that the last one brings its own unique set of experiences.

Knowing it's my last means I can acknowledge the parts I will miss. Like, the incredible miracle of seeing that positive pregnancy test; feeling those first flutters of movement and knowing a baby is moving and growing; excitement and wonder about what the gender is, and what name we will choose, and who this little person will become.

On the other hand, I was so ready to be done being pregnant. I won't miss feeling humongous and not being able to sleep on my stomach. I won't miss the nausea or having to pee every 5 minutes. I won't miss having no lap for my girls to sit on, or not being able to tie my own shoes, or the swollen feet. I'm looking forward to being able to exercise and know that every effort I make won't be in vain, since I won't be expecting another round of weight gain.

I won't miss everyone telling me how big I am. I won't miss maternity clothes, though since I can't fit into my regular clothes yet, I have yet to say goodbye to most of them. I look forward to the day I pack them away, though this time will feel different, knowing I won't be saving them for a potential "next time."

I won't miss the dread of potential labor pains and fear surrounding the birth. Yet, I can never replicate hearing that first loud squeal right after birth, when I'm so relieved to hear her crying and my heart is suddenly flooded with so much love that it feels like it could burst. I've been blessed to experience that three times in my life, and nothing will ever come close to the emotions and love I have felt in those first precious moments of relief mixed with tears of joy and thankfulness and awe of such perfect creation.

I won't miss being spit up on, but I will miss having a baby so small she can cuddle on my chest.

I won't miss waking up every 2-3 hours in the night to a deafening cry, but I will miss being able to soothe and comfort her when no one else can.

I won't miss the stress and soreness of those first few weeks of learning together how to nurse, but I am grateful I have the ability to provide nourishment for my child, and that we've figured it out. I'm thankful I have the option to nurse, that my body is strong and that I get enough nourishment myself to be able to feed my baby too. (I've been reflecting on this privilege because I know there are many women who would nurse if they could, but may be so malnourished or have other issues so that they can't produce the milk they need to adequately feed their baby).

I will miss the smallness of a newborn and those little frog legs that haven't stretched out yet.

I hope I don't forget how enamored Ellie and Hazel are with Ruby. I want to remember how much they love holding her and kissing her. How much they adore her little nose and feet and how excited they get when Ruby grabs ahold of one of their fingers. How Ellie constantly tells me how cute Ruby is. How Hazel calls Ruby, "mine." I want to remember those moments someday when I have three girls fighting and screaming over what I can only imagine to be my future with three girls.

I don't want to rush through these moments with Ruby as a newborn since I know they are the last. I'm trying to savor the parts that I know I will miss of this stage of life with my three sweet girls. 

It's going to be a crazy, wild ride. Not a day goes by that I don't remind myself what a blessing it is to have three amazing, beautiful, healthy little girls, none of which I want to take for granted.

She's Here! (Ruby's Birth Story)

In keeping with tradition, I wanted to write out Ruby's birth story. Unlike Ellie's or Hazel's, there's not a lot of intense detail, as it ended up being a scheduled cesarean. 

We went in for a check-up on Monday, January 12. It was my 39-week check and an ultrasound. Everything had been looking good up to this point. I was very pleased with my weight gain overall, as I gained less than I did with either of the other girls and gained exactly in the range I had hoped for.

The doctor predicted she was about 7 and half pounds, and then paused to tell us that the cord seemed to be wrapped around her neck. I have to say that technology is so amazing. Using infrared technology, the doctor could detect where the blood flow was, and suddenly a bright orange cord showed up around the base of her head. Sure enough, the cord was around her neck.

We talked about our options. We had been planning on this last week for work and wrapping up details before my mom arrived that following Sunday. We had just found out that morning that the girls were supposed to start school THIS week, not the next like we thought (which meant we had school supplies to buy, paperwork to complete, etc.). The timing wasn't ideal (it never really is with babies). Given my history with long overdue babies, and bigger babies, and being induced every time, our doctor was concerned about what could happen if I went into labor with her cord wrapped around her neck. 

So of course we chose to do what would be best and safest for our baby. We scheduled the C-section for the next afternoon. I went outside and started panicking. I couldn't stop crying, for the sake of my baby's health, of course, and I couldn't stop worrying about what we'd do with Ellie and Hazel. We didn't have much of a back-up plan, and a C-section meant at least 2-3 nights at the hospital. 

Fortunately, we've been blessed with awesome neighbors and co-workers who all pitched in. We knew the girls were happy and safe and well-taken care of, and they got to stick to their routine of starting their new school, which we decided was best for them. 

So, Monday night we spent time calling family, writing out instructions for the girls, and getting details ironed out, like, finally choosing her name! On Tuesday morning we ran a few errands, finalized details at the girls' new school, and headed to the hospital. It was surreal to know that within a few hours, our baby would be here.

Me at 39 weeks, a few hours before we went to the hospital.

We checked in and got settled into our room. We realized it would be an interesting experience doing everything in Spanish. They wanted to know my height, in centimeters, and it took several of us and a calculator and conversion chart to finally calculate my height. Silly Americans not using centimeters. When it was time for me to head into the surgery room alone, it hit me what was about to happen. I laid there on the surgery bed, back exposed, waiting for the epidural, and I found myself cold and a little scared. It was hard to be dealing with everything in Spanish. I felt out of control, laying there, knowing there was nothing I could do but wait and hope and pray our little baby would come out safe. Our awesome anesthesiologist spoke English and loved using it with me. He talked me through everything and helped me feel included in the process. 

Being coached by the anesthesiologist. 

Her arrival. 4:00 PM.

My favorite moment was right after Ruby was born, when Michael put Ruby up next to my face. I was still strapped down, but our cheeks were touching. She was crying, and when I started talking to her, she stopped, turned her head towards me, and listened to my voice. We have a sweet video of this that I will always treasure. 

Ruby Mayana Chapman

born at 4:00PM on Tuesday, January 13, 2015 in Guatemala City, Guatemala. 8 lbs 1 oz. 

Ruby is a name we've always liked, and considered using it for Hazel.

For her middle name, we wanted a name that was a form of Marie or Maria or Mary, because she has a grandma Mary, a great-grandma Mary, and another great-grandma Marie, plus several other family members with a similar name. 

Mayana, at its roots comes from the name Mary, so it was a perfect pick.

My mom's middle name is Anita, a form of Ana. 

We also wanted a Guatemalan, Mayan, or Spanish connection, and Mayana contains "Mayan," an important cultural part of Guatemala and people we work with here.

I had been searching online for names and found this name a few days before she was born, despite our family thinking we had had a name picked out all along. 

Moments after birth.

Getting acquainted.

Tiny.

After her first bath.

When we had toured the hospital a few weeks earlier, we had been told that the hospital policy is that the baby can only be held by us and the nurses, and that if we ever have visitors the baby couldn't even be in the room with us. They also said that the baby would stay in the nursery all night long except if we wanted her for nursing. I had been upset at the time, because I wanted my girls and family to be able to meet Ruby at the hospital. Well, we're not sure how it happened, but this rule didn't seem to get enforced while we were there, which meant our girls got to come to the hospital and meet and hold Ruby. It was a special time, and I missed them so much I was happy I got to see my girls for a short time.

Some of my favorite pictures from their first meeting:

First family photo.

Big sister Hazel.

The three sisters. Pure Love.

Checking out little fingers.

Super proud oldest sister.

Hazel loves to kiss and hold her baby sister. Almost every picture I have of these two are of Hazel kissing Ruby.

Overall, we were proud of having had a baby in a Spanish-speaking hospital. It felt like we accomplished a big feat, especially for me, with my Spanish not being as strong as Michael's. There were only a few language misunderstandings, like when I accidentally said yes to getting sleeping pills instead of just pain pills.

It was interesting to be in a hospital where nursing a baby exclusively is not the norm, and is not understood, even by (or especially by) the nurses. We had to explain to them that we wanted her every few hours to feed her, even if it meant waking her up. A few times during the night we had to request that they bring her to us. The nurses just assumed we'd feed her whenever she woke up, which could be several hours. The norm here seemed to be to bottle feed during the night so the mother can rest, and maybe, if nursing at all, to nurse some during the day. They wheeled her out of the room every time she needed a diaper change, and wouldn't bring her back until we asked for her, which was frustrating, at times. 

Had this been my first baby, I may not have lasted more than a day or two with nursing. There was absolutely zero help or support in this area. Our experience in California was starkly different, with a lactation consultant on staff at the hospital, and our pediatrician taking specific time with us to make sure nursing was going well (and eventually clipping both Ellie and Hazel's tongues to aid with nursing). I think eventually the nurses gave up understanding us, and just mostly left us alone. They knew it was our third baby, or they may have been more pushy. 

It's been good to be home. We are adjusting to life with three. My mom has been here for over a week and it's been nice to have extra help. Ruby is sleeping and eating about every 3 hours at night. During her first week or so, only her Daddy could soothe her at night, unless she needed to be fed. She loves to be held, although fortunately she's getting more used to falling asleep without being held. 

One difference with the birth of our third is that because the girls go to school every morning, I'm actually able to rest and take some time for myself, something I could do after Ellie's birth, but was much more difficult with Hazel, as I was home full-time with both girls. 

As Ruby turned 2 weeks old yesterday, here are some highlights from her life so far:

So many snuggles lately.

Lots of photo opportunities. 

Ruby's first overnight outing was to Antigua. 

Michael got some funny looks with his bulky sweater.

Playing games and quality time with all three. 

Ruby couldn't have more proud sisters than these two.  

2 weeks old. Hazel is excited that Ruby can roll her tongue just like her and Mama.

Happy 2 weeks, Ruby Mayana!

Guatemala Baby Shower

The women's group that meets once a month at our church hosted a baby shower for us today. I'm not sure when the tradition of Baby Showers came to Guatemala, but they are not native to here. In fact, there's no word for them in Spanish, so they are called "Baby Showers" (in English) here, too.

The shower was very sweet and I felt very blessed. We have yet to buy anything for this baby, and though we don't need much, we do need some things. This was a good jumpstart for us as we have less than 10 weeks until my due date!

Some photos of our morning:

These Chile Rellenos were absolutely delicious. I haven't had them here in Guatemala, and at first thought they were rellenitos, but I was pleasantly surprised. 

Dessert

This sweet cake was a gift from one of the women. She told me it's important to bring the mother a gift to a baby shower, like something to eat. We brought it home for the girls to enjoy.

These were the party gifts for all the women.

The activities included the women making baby clothes out of paper to hang on the "clothesline."

This was one of my favorites. 

Another activity was the women writing a nursery rhyme that they sang for us.

We received some thoughtful gifts.

This was one of my favorites. This dress was homemade by a very sweet lady. 

The maker of this adorable dress.

This incredibly soft blanket will be great here in January.

The women wrote blessings for the baby and our family and placed them in these eggs. 

We are blessed indeed. 

My friend, Vicky.

I have no explanation for this photo, except that we have a similar one with the other girls, I'm sure.

This is Nancy, one of our MCC workers, and she already loves this baby like she loves our two "princessas." 

It was fun to focus on this baby and realize she will be here in just 10 weeks!