Leaving People Won't Be Easy

I’ve been verbalizing my struggle to let go of things, but I haven’t mentioned something even more difficult: moving away from friends and family.

Michael and I have lived away from our family for most of our marriage. There have been short seasons when we had the opportunity to live near or with family, but otherwise, we’ve clocked a lot of Skype and video chat time in eight years.

In several discussions over the past few years, as we’ve applied to various jobs all over the country (and considered jobs all over the world), we found ourselves yearning to be closer to family. We consider the northwest our home. I spent most of my childhood in Spokane, Washington and my high school and college years in Oregon. Michael was born in Peru and in early elementary school moved to and grew up in Oregon.

Oregon is special to us. We’ve lived in Alaska, Pennsylvania, Colorado, Rwanda, and California, and Oregon has always felt the most like home. Several family members and friends have moved out of the state, but it still holds our beginnings and many memories. We met there. We were married there. It’s a mix of nostalgia and lifestyle and people. Quirky ol’ Oregon.

We’ve considered several times moving back to the northwest, but the right job and timing has never lined up. At times we were desperate to get back there, especially when life and marriage and work were extra difficult. We've since realized that our desire to move back has often been motivated by either desperation or a pure desire for change, and we also acknowledged that moving there for memory’s sake may actually disappoint us.

God’s timing is so fascinating. It took most of our three years in Fresno to get to an emotional and mental place where we were no longer dissatisfied and searching for an opportunity to leave. It was only then that this job in Guatemala opened up. It was helpful in our discernment for accepting this job to know we were finally settled and connected here and that we weren’t looking at this job simply because it was a way out of Fresno. 

We are used to seeing family occasionally, a few times a year. Our girls don’t have cousins or grandparents in town (and we don’t have any on-call babysitters). We look at pictures and video chat and do what we can to keep in touch. We are used to making friends in new places and then packing up and moving away.

I think this makes us well prepared to live in Guatemala. We will see family even less than now. We will only be back to the States once or twice, but family and friends have plans to visit us in the Land of the Eternal Spring. We will continue doing what we’ve always done to maintain contact, imperfect as it may be.

It doesn’t mean we don’t desire to be closer to family. It breaks my heart to think of how much time will go by between visits with cousins and aunts and uncles and grandparents. Five years is a long time for family and friends to grow and change. My girls won't be babies in five years. Seeing Ellie with special friends here in Fresno has made each day closer to leaving a little more difficult. I grieve the potential friendships my girls (and I) could have if we stayed in one place for several years.

We know and trust this is where the Lord is leading us. Our family accepts and supports that, though they are sad and grieving in their own way, too. Just like the possessions that we’ve sold and given away, we are sacrificing time and potential memories with family and friends that we would have if we stayed. I trust that the Lord will help us keep our precious memories close to our hearts to carry with us to Guatemala.