Culturisms #1 and #2

Forgive us for not posting recently. Some days I sit down to write a post and my mind is blank. We are in a routine of work and life again for a few weeks and thus nothing has seemed significant to share.

I have been keeping a list of what I call "Culturisms" to share regarding unique cultural differences or interesting facets of Rwandan every day life. I thought I'd share a few now, and keep them coming in future installments.

Without further ado:

Culturism #1: Everywhere you look, men are holding hands (or sometimes wrists), embracing, or simply being touchy with each other. Men who are friends show their affection in this way. It is common to be standing and holding one's hand, or walking down the street holding hands/wrists. I think this is significant because I know in American culture this would shock a lot of people. In America, men who are holding hands usually have the purpose of displaying their specific type of homosexual feelings for each other. It is not only men, though, who hold hands here. Women will hold hands too. In fact, just about everyone will hold hands except a husband and wife. It is not seen as appropriate to hold your spouse's hand in public, but it's OK to stand and hold the pastor's hand as you speak for a long period of time.

Culturism #2: In this culture, it's not shameful to ask for something. Likewise, it's not shameful to say no. Let me explain. As a umuzungu (white foreigner), I am assumed to have money. Many times when we go into the city we are bombarded (as in people sometimes running at us holding goods) with offers to buy various items. But oftentimes, people are very bold in asking us for things. It doesn't happen to us as much because of the language barrier, but as I've said before, one thing most children know how to say in English is, "Give me money." We've heard stories from missionaries about Rwandans asking them for everything from money (small and large sums), to items such as a soccer ball or a tractor, or for a ride in the car across town. Strangers will simply walk up to a umuzungu and ask for these types of things. In America, there are issues of pride and humility that cause people to feel ashamed to ask for things. We have such a "I must be successful" attitude that most people are hesitant to ask for help, let alone for money or material goods. Here in Rwanda, there is no shame associated with asking. Most ask knowing the answer will probably be no, but why not ask when there is no shame and no harm done by asking?

The second part of this is for the umuzungus. "It is not shameful to say no." In American culture we can often feel guilty for walking past a homeless person who is asking for spare change, or for saying no to someone who has humbled themselves to the point of asking for help/money, etc. But here, it is appropriate to say no most of the time. Just as the people ask almost expecting a "no," we can say "no" without feeling a sense of shame for not giving to the poor. (Theoretically speaking, of course). I'm not saying we are immune to the needs of the people, and that we can ignore all that is going on. At the same time, there is such a tendency for many Africans to so completely depend on foreign/western aid that in many ways you are only contributing to that mindset to give them whatever they ask for (or think they need). This touches on part of the Transformational Development work that the Thomases are doing here in Rwanda. The idea is to get entire communities to change their way of thinking. Instead of always having a hand out in expectation, they are learning to think for themselves and to become self-reliant and community-oriented.