On Netflix and Muffins and Not Moping

A few weeks ago I finished a 5-season television series on Netflix. I won't admit to when I started the series, but suffice it to say that it didn't take 5 seasons to finish it.

I'll go ahead and blame it on being tired and nauseous all the time (which hasn't changed, despite being 17 weeks pregnant. Whoever said nausea ends in the first trimester was telling LIES). Or maybe it's my need for conclusion to any book or movie or program I start. Also, it was a pretty good series with great acting.

But the point is, I didn't do much else. It sort of took over all my free moments of the day. By the last season I was just marathoning it just to get it over with so I could get back to life.

I often come home from work, put Hazel down for a nap, let Ellie watch a bit of TV, and I veg out for a little while on the computer, usually watching some show. But I'm tired of that routine and feel like there are a million other things I could do instead. And more importantly, there are a million things Ellie could be doing instead. Too many times I feel like I wasted my afternoon, but justify it because I feel so little energy.

Today felt different. After putting Hazel down for a nap, I ignored my computer and went straight to the kitchen. I made starter dough for bread out of my leftover breakfast oatmeal (my favorite bread recipe ever), washed dishes, made cranberry orange muffins with Ellie, helped Ellie with her homework, made a grocery list and planned out our meals for the next two weeks-something I haven't done in weeks, worked on a count-down chain to Ellie's birthday (it's in October, which means there are 66 circles to our chain, but she's been insisting on a chain), and now I'm sitting down to blog.

5 of 66. We've got a ways to go.

Sometimes I get into a rut about life here. Or maybe a self-pity party. Namely, I focus on the things I feel like I or my girls are missing out on by not living in the States. Moms groups through my church, playdates, enrolling the girls in sports or music or dance classes, going to the library (it makes me sad that I can't throw the girls in the stroller and jog or walk to the library, something I did with Ellie weekly in Fresno)...things I perceive I'm missing.

But today, as I was grating orange zest for our muffins, I realized that I can mope about things I think I'm missing, or I can miss opportunities to make memories that are right in front of me. I made muffins and spent time with my daughters. That's not missing out on anything. I'd say it's quite the opposite.