"This is her first time."
I looked quickly down as I said this, and started writing on the check-in sheet. I bit my lip to fight back the one tear trying to break through.
Ellie is five and a half months old, and this was the first time I've left her in the nursery at church. For some people, this may not seem like a big deal. And I know it's a blip in the radar of firsts and separation anxiety to come. I never thought I'd be one of those moms who can't be away from her baby for an hour. Or an hour and 15 minutes. But I was counting down the minutes, checking the time on my cell phone constantly during the church service and sermon (Sorry, Pastor James).
We have an amazingly great baby. And I know I'm the mom and I am biased, but seriously, she's one of the most easy-going, least fussy, happy, smiley, content babies I've known. This week she cut her first tooth and I was expecting a lot of fuss, since that's what all the books said to expect, but there's been virtually none of that. She continues to smile and be happy all day long.
But, despite all this, I was still nervous throughout the church service. I kept imagining that maybe she was crying or fussy, even though I knew she probably wasn't. And even if she was, she'd survive. Mostly, I just really missed her.
I dashed out of the sanctuary as soon as the last AMEN was said, and went to find my girl. She was sitting on the lap of one of the nursery workers, along with another baby. She was playing and smiling. She was fine. Happy. Unaware that I had been anxiously waiting to return to her.
"She did great. She was all smiles the whole time," came the report.
As I walked over to scoop her into my arms, I fought one more little tear. I felt a little silly for even feeling anxious. I knew she'd do just great. This whole process was the first of an endless number of situations where I will have to learn to let go as my baby continues to gain her independence.
Lucky for me, we can both take baby steps towards each new milestone.
1 comment:
You are too cute. I think it's hard to leave a perfectly content kid in the nursery (for parents at least) b/c they are already being good! It's easy to take your kid to the nursery when they won't sit still, cry and fuss... great job taking that first step! She is such a doll, I'd hate to give her over too!
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