THUD!
Never has a sound been so sickening to my ears. It took a few milliseconds to process the noise and the crying that immediately followed. In those micromoments I experienced confusion followed by sheer horror and realization as I ran to my baby girl lying on the wood floor, next to the extra tall bed where she’d been playing on only seconds before.
As a parent, I have been warned that accidents will happen, that I can’t protect my child from everything, that one of the hardest parts of being a parent is realizing how little control you have over certain things, and that everyone ends up with a horror story of an accident or near-tragic incident.
My first of these occurred last night. Unfortunately, it is one instance where I can’t say “there’s nothing I could have done differently,” because this was an easily preventable situation. She’s been so squirmy lately, but I convinced myself she’d be fine for just a quick moment on the bed while I ran across the hall (where I could still see her on the bed) to dump her diaper. That’s all it took for her to somehow find the edge of the bed and then the floor.
I was probably crying harder (or at least longer) than she was. Another common piece of advice is to not freak out, to remain calm so that the child stays calm. That was a fleeting thought as I screamed and scooped her up into my arms, suddenly hysterical. I held her tight, patting her, hugging her, consoling her, apologizing repeatedly...”I’m so sorry, my girl. I’m so, so sorry.”
She settled down, I nursed her, and she was soon playing and laughing and scooting all over the floor. A slight bump and bruise were the only evidence of the horrible fall. I called my pediatrician’s office just to talk it through. “99% of the time babies fall off the bed and are fine,” she said. Of course, she had to mention a few things to look for, and of course with each word I found myself imagining the worst scenario taking place: blood, hemorrhaging, internal bleeding, swelling, vomiting, lethargic, unresponsive...She could have landed on her face, broken a nose or ear, or who knows what else, but she didn’t.
This morning, she’s been happy and playful and back to herself. The slight red bump is barely even noticeable. The only scar from this whole experience is on this momma. I keep hearing that thud, playing the reel on repeat in my mind, and thanking God constantly for protecting my baby. It’s humbling to realize that I will continue to make mistakes as a mother, yet encouraging to know that God is watching her and protecting her, and I have to trust her to Him every single day.
3 comments:
At least you made it this long without incident. It only took us two weeks to drop our newborn.
Melissa,
Noah fell off the bed the other day and I felt so horrible. I too was just gone a second, heard a thud, and I came running and he was laying face down in cords and a power strip! AHH I felt like the worst mom in the world. I guess this is part of it! Glad that Ellie is okay, and that you will be okay :)
Angela
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