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Monday, October 31, 2011

Food for Thought and Is Organic Necessary?

My last thoughts related to Superbaby, by Dr. Jenn Berman.

Since we began giving Ellie solid food at around 6 months old, I have become increasingly aware of food issues. From nutrition content to pesticide exposure, I have made it a priority to give my child the healthiest and most nutritious food I can find, and afford. We are vegetarian, and I'm constantly asked, "where do you get your protein?"

Well, first of all, vegetarians tend to be much more aware of food intake, and usually have overall healthier diets than meat-eaters. I always want to respond to that question with something like, "Do you get the proper amount of fiber? Do you eat enough whole grains in your diet? Do you know how much protein is necessary?" I think people are less-aware of their nutritional needs than they are willing to admit. Protein is just one of many things to be aware of.

(To answer the protein question, we eat a lot of beans and rice, eggs, cheese, yogurt, nuts and seeds, and cottage cheese. Did you know cottage cheese has 15 grams of protein in one 4 oz. serving?)

Dr. Berman focuses on a variety of feeding topics, including breastfeeding tips and several other feeding tips for the first three years. I want to simply explain what we do for our own child.

I have used a book called, Super Baby Food, by Ruth Yaron. It has great tips for which foods to introduce each month, and how to think about diet and nutrition with children. One of my favorite parts of her book is what she calls "Super Porridge." I don't ascribe to or follow every suggestion she gives, but I love one element of the porridge, and that is the complete protein element. Ellie eats super porridge, or my version of it, almost every single morning. I grind up a variety of grains: barley or brown rice or oats or millet or quinoa, for example. Sometimes I choose one or two, sometime I mix it up and combine several. Then, I also add to the mix a legume, usually dried lentils or split peas. Yaron gives a specific recipe and ratio if you are interested in getting the complete protein correct, which I am, so I do. I grind all these grains and legumes up into a powder, boil them in water for 10 minutes, and usually add my own touch, cinnamon and some fruit, usually apples or pears shredded finally. Ellie loves this cereal and I feel great knowing that she is getting a wonderful variety of whole grains and a complete protein every single morning, plus fresh fruit mixed in.

Another important tip Yaron gives: feed your child yogurt every day or as often as possible. It's wonderful for the digestive track. At first, Ellie didn't like plain yogurt, but she has grown to love it and now gulps it down. I usually mash a banana in it but I love that she isn't eating any weird chemicals or added sugar put into most yogurts. Plus, I've learned to enjoy this yogurt myself as I always eat whatever she doesn't finish. Bonus health points for me!

I have started to make my own bread, which I love. It's cheap, and I know everything that goes in it (especially no high fructose corn syrup). I make a whole wheat honey bread and I add healthy extras like wheat germ and flax seed. I feel good giving my child this bread, and I know she's getting excellent nutrition too.

The final topic regarding food that I can't ignore: pesticides. The question many ask is, is organic really necessary?

"Things that by their very nature are designed to kill come with risks. And they don't always disappear after doing the job. Pesticides can remain in the air, food, and soil; contaminate water; and accumulate in plants, animals, and people." -From Chemical-Free Kids: How to Safeguard Your Child's Diet and Environment.

A few thoughts to ponder on pesticides:

-There are currently 600 chemicals that farmers are legally allowed to use on produce and at least 50 of these are classified as carcinogenic, according to the FDA.

-20 pounds of pesticides are used per person per year in the US.

-Pesticides are present not only in conventionally grown fruits and vegetables but also in processed products like cookies, cereals, and crackers.

-9/10 kids under age 5 are exposed to 13 different neurotoxic insecticides in baby foods.

-Insecticides in apple, peach, grape, and pear baby food that is consumed by 85,000 children every day exceed the federal safety standard by a factor of ten or more.

-20 million children age 5 and under consume an average of 8 pesticides a day.

-Drinking nonorganic apple juice may expose your two-year-old to as many as 80 different pesticides, an exposure that is 20 times that of his mother on a body-weight basis.

Here's why you can't assume the government will protect us from harmful chemicals:

Pesticides are linked to cancers, birth defects, kidney and liver damage, reproductive disorders, and asthma, but they are still present in children's foods. The current system assumes that chemicals are not harmful until proved otherwise. This is difficult to prove because pesticides are too dangerous to be tested directly on humans (yet it's still ok to eat them?). The EPA almost never bans a pesticide that is currently in use. Wow. Scary.

80% of our pesticide exposure comes from food (the other 20% comes from drinking water and in and around our homes). If you feed your child organic food you eliminate nearly 90% of their pesticide exposure.

So what can you do? Well, buying organic can be expensive. We've chosen to focus on the "dirty dozen," the top 12 most pesticide-laden fruits and vegetables. Check out this website for more information and for the official EWG Shopper's guide. I have the free app on my phone in case I forget when I'm out shopping.

I'll list the "dirty dozen" here for you. These are the foods I do my best to buy organic whenever possible:

1. apples (98% of conventional apples have pesticides!)
2. celery (tests positive for 57 different pesticides)
3. strawberries
4. peaches
5. spinach
6. nectarines-imported
7. grapes-imported
8. sweet bell peppers
9. potatoes
10. blueberries-domestic
11. lettuce
12. kale/collard greens

There is also a list called the "Clean 15," the fruits and vegetables that are the safest to buy non-organic. The complete list is also on the above website.

1. onions
2. sweet corn
3. pineapples
4. avocado
5. asparagus
6. sweet peas
7. mangoes
8. eggplant
9. cantaloupe-domestic
10. kiwi
11. cabbage
12. watermelon
13. sweet potatoes
14. grapefruit
15. mushrooms

A few tips:

-Wash your hands after peeling skins of fruits and vegetables.
-Wash and peel conventionally grown fruits and vegetables.
-Remove and discard outer leaves of cabbage and lettuce.
-Make your own baby food.

One more thing to be aware of regarding food: genetically altered foods.

Over 75% of processed foods contain at least one genetically engineered ingredient. More than 30 countries around the world have significant restrictions or outright bans on the production of GMOs (genetically modified organisms) because they have not been proved to be safe. The US, on the other hand, does not demand any such labeling.

GE Foods account for:
-87% of soybeans
-79% of cotton
-55% of canola
-52% of corn

Read your labels and be aware of the above ingredients in most processed foods. Better yet, stay away from processed foods. I don't want my child to be the experiment for the long-term effects of this type of food.

"The children of North America have now become the world's lab animals on whom to study the long-term effects of eating GM products." -Jane Goodall

Toxins Lurking Everywhere

Superbaby highlights, Part 5. See previous posts for parts 1-5.

Reducing Exposure to Toxic Chemicals

A few facts regarding kids and their increased vulnerability to toxins.
Compared to adults:

-Children's metabolisms are faster and therefore they absorb toxins faster.
-Children grow so quickly that dangerous cell mutations multiply faster.
-Their developing brains and immature reproductive and immune systems are unable to detoxify the chemicals to which they are exposed.
-The blood-brain barrier is still porous and allows more chemicals to reach their brains.
-Children eat 3-4 times more food per pound of body weight than the average adult.
-The resting air intake of an infant is double that of an adult.
-Children's diets are less varied than adults', which leaves them more vulnerable to toxic exposure.

Dr. Berman describes in detail the most significant toxins to be aware of: lead, PVC and phthalates, flame retardants, and cigarette smoke. A lot of baby products, even pajamas and mattresses, include flame retardants that are toxic.

6 Simple Things You Can Do to Reduce Toxins at Home:

1. Diapers-The average child goes through 6,000 disposable diapers during the first two years of life (and how many babies stop using diapers the day they turn 2?), which costs an average of $1,600 each year, not including wipes. 92% of all these diapers end up in landfills that take 250-500 years to decompose.

Even if you don't care about the global affect, the cost of disposables might encourage you to think twice. And if the cost doesn't deter you, maybe the toxins in them will.

Did you know that disposable diapers contain chemicals that were banned in women's products? They emit gases that can cause asthma-like reactions. Babies inhale more air per pound than adults so are even more affected by these pollutants.

You could switch to a less chemical-filled disposable diaper. They do exist but are a bit expensive. You can use disposable liners inside a cloth liner. You can use cloth diapers, which use less toxins but require and excessive amount of water to wash them.

We personally use cloth diapers and I absolutely love it. Yes, we use quite a bit of water, but I see this as the best of all the options. Plus, we have already saved hundreds of dollars, and plan to use cloth with future children, cutting the cost even more. A great website to check out is www.cottonbabies.com if you have any interest in cloth diapering. It seems overwhelming at first, but soon becomes a routine. I get a lot of satisfaction knowing my daughter isn't exposed to intense chemicals, plus we are saving literally hundreds of dollars (not to mention the landfill space). I would love to answer any questions you have about the ease of cloth diapering. Here's what we use, Bum Genius 4.0. We love them:



2. Lock up your keys! Keys have a high concentration of lead, high enough to be hazardous. Don't let you baby suck on or play with your keys.

3. Killing germs and the environment one antibacterial pump at a time-Basically, antibacterial soaps and gels use a lot of chemicals that are toxic and can be harmful, one specifically called triclosan that causes bacteria to resist antibiotics and can lead to weaker immune systems, decreased fertility, birth defects, and even cancer. A study in 2004 found that nearly 3/4 of adults and children older than age six had detectable levels of triclosan. You are better off just using regular soap, not "antibacterial" products.

4. Teflon-Apparently, the material used to make nonstick surfaces on your pans and other cookware emits toxic particles and gases. Another similar toxic chemical is found in fast-food packaging (think pizza boxes and styrofoam), and microwave popcorn bags. This is one of many reasons to skip microwave popcorn and make your own at home.

5. Kid's clothing-Be aware that most cheap clothing is made from petroleum-based synthetic fabric. Most of the pesticides used on cotton crops are considered by the EPA to be the most dangerous pesticides in common use today. I want to write one more blog post about pesticides and food, stay tuned. Just know that you can't trust the government to protect you from pesticides. Many are used to today that are extremely harmful.

6. Cleaning with chemicals- Infants born to mothers who frequently use chemical-based cleaners while pregnant were more than twice as likely to develop breathing patterns.

Some of the most hazardous products are oven and drain cleaners, toilet bowl cleaners, metal polishes, and adhesive removers, followed by disinfectants, furniture and floor polish, carpet cleaners, laundry softeners, spot removers, all-purpose cleaners, automatic dishwashing detergent, chlorine bleach, mold and mildew removers, scouring cleaners, and tile, tub, and sink cleaners. Do you use any of these? Start small, to get rid of these toxins. There are tons of websites for suggested greener and healthier ways to clean. Last week I cleaned my floors for the first time using a vinegar and water mixture. I found this website that has 1001 uses for distilled vinegar. Check it out. It's amazing stuff! Baking soda and water also works on toilets and for a variety of other purposes. Don't like the smell of vinegar? Add some lemon juice to your cleaning.

I'm still working on this whole idea of reducing chemicals in the house, but I have found it increasingly important as I have a little crawler who is constantly touching floors and other surfaces that I clean with chemicals, and of course putting everything within reach into her mouth.

Good luck reducing chemical exposure in your home!

Friday, October 28, 2011

Thinking Outside The Box: Screen Time

Superbaby Book Review, Part 3.
Read Part 1 here or Part 2 here).

Before I discuss Dr. Berman's chapter on television and screen time for kids under the age of three (yes, age 3!), I have a few disclaimers:

1) Michael and I don't own a TV. We haven't owned one since we moved to Pennsylvania in 2007. We sold it and never bought one again. We've had opportunities to get one but have made the intentional decision not to get one again. We do watch TV shows, but all online. One huge advantage to this is that we don't waste time flipping through channels. We sit down to watch the show we want to watch, and then it's over. We love that the TV is not the center of our living room. I share this because I think I already have a slightly different view on television than the average American.

2) This discussion is not meant for anyone to feel guilty for watching TV or even for having your children watch TV. I simply want to present the information and let you make a better, informed and intentional decision regarding screen time. Which leads to my third disclaimer,

3) I only have one child. I have no idea what the stress can be like with two or more, or having the urge to stick my child in front of the TV to get a few moments of rest while I take care of the younger child. (I address this in the very last section of this post). Many people have shared with me that they shared similar goals and thoughts about screen time when they only had one child, but when #2 came along much of that went out the window. So, I want to humbly admit that I have the luxury of only one child at this point and can't comment on the convenience of TV with a second child. Maybe someday I will post an addendum (added 1/31/13) to this one when I can comment on life with more than one child.

Until then, here are some thoughts on screen time and kids under the age of 3:

-The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that children under the age of two watch no television. None. Zero. That includes so-called educational media (more on that in a moment). Interestingly, by age 3 months, 40% of babies regularly view DVDs, TV, or videos, and by age 2 almost 90% of all kids in the US are spending 2-3 hours EVERY DAY in front of the screen. And, children ages 2-3 watch more than 4 1/2 hours a day. My first thought when I hear theses statistics is, what would they be doing if they didn't have all that screen time? Playing, moving, burning calories, and exploring, most likely!

-Regarding "educational" DVDs such as Baby Einstein: in 2007 it was proven that babies 8-16 months old that watched these videos actually knew 6-8 words fewer than other children. It definitely did NOT make them smarter. Babies need stimulation and interaction, not screens with colors and noises.

Dr. Berman's List: 14 Viewing Risks for Children

1. Attention Deficit Disorder-Basically, a study found that for every hour of television this group of children watched, at ages one and three, children had almost a 10% higher chance of developing attention problems. Being exposed to quick changing images most likely overstimulates the brain, causing permanent changes in developing neural pathways. This is a big deal in the developing brain of a toddler!

2. Autism-Autism is mostly thought to be biological, but, though controversial, there is a significant correlation between rising autism rates and more frequent television viewing.

3. Asthma-Children who watch more than two hours per day of TV are twice as likely to develop asthma as those who watch less. This has to do with breathing patterns that develop while watching screens and remaining sedentary. Get those kids outside to play!

4. High blood pressure-The more TV kids watch, the higher their blood pressure, regardless of whether or not the child was of a healthy weight. Again, it has to to with being sedentary.

5. Poor sleep-Amount of TV is related to irregular nap and bedtime schedules. The sleep problems associated with TV viewing in childhood often persist into adulthood.

6. Poor eyesight-Many eye specialists believe TV and video games are responsible for damaging children's visual development and are a major cause of impairing children's reading and learning abilities. Computer usage should be limited, especially for children under the age of 6. Yes, 6.

7. Academic problems-Too many studies to count that relate television watching, or even the television being turned on all the time at home, with lower grades and less read books. Turn off your TV or computer and read or play with your kids!

8. Depression-Depression rates have been found to increase by 8% with every additional hour of TV viewed among teenagers. One reason for this? Self-esteem is created when a child experiences mastery or a sense of accomplishment. This could be completing a puzzle, throwing a ball, even physical development. There is no "aha" moment when watching television.

9. Displaced activities-What your child isn't doing because he/she is behind a screen: spending time with parents and siblings, creative play, homework (for older kids)...the list goes on.

10. Drop in creativity-A study was done in a town who never had access to TV and then finally was wired with cable. Basically, kids who watch a lot of TV can only mimic or reenact cartoon stories on television, and bring no unique experience to their play. Instead of creating their own stories, they simply copy the plot lines they've seen on TV.

11. Aggression and violence-When TV was brought to the town mentioned in #10, the single greatest effect was increased aggression among children. Kids who watch cartoons with any form of violence are much more aggressive with other kids than non-violent cartoons.

12. Fear-90% of college students report experiencing a fear reaction from media during childhood.

Interesting fact: EVERY SINGLE G-rated movie released between 1939 and 1999 has at least one significant act of violence. Furthermore, the screen time devoted to violence rose from an average of three minutes per movie in 1940 (which still seems like a lot to me) to ten minutes per movie in 2000.

13. Addictive quality of viewing-Television is highly addictive. It has to do with brain stimulus. Develop good habits while they're young.

14. Harming family dynamics-Children learn how to socialize by watching our example. Think about the relationship dynamics on TV. What do you want your child to mimic? Also, media and technology has replaced family interaction, and connections as a family suffer. Families text each other from the other room while they are playing video games and eating dinner alone. These habits start when your baby is young!

Constant Exposure
-It's estimated that 51% of homes in the US have the TV on most or all of the time.

-5 Reasons why TV background noise is bad for your child:

1. Inner speech-The constant noise and distraction can prevent a child from developing this, which helps with problem solving. Inner speech is developed during creative play, helps a child to remember specific things ("I am supposed to wash my hands before I eat"), plan ahead, and work out steps to solving problems. Having the TV on prevents children from experiencing the quiet needed to develop this skill.

2. Decrease in quality and quantity of play-Studies of children ages 1,2, and 3 playing with TV on versus playing with TV off found there was an obvious decrease in play episodes, even for one-year olds, whenever the TV was turned on in the background.

3. Reduced interactivity with parents-One study showed that when the TV wasn't on parents were actively engaged with their kids 66% of the time, but when it was off the number went down to 54%. Also, active play was 74% when the TV was off, and only 59% when it was on. One mom even jumped from engaging 78% of the time down to 19% with the TV on.

4. Reduced language learning-Infants have to learn to differentiate between sounds, so having the TV on in the background makes language development more difficult. Period. TV greatly reduced the number of words spoken by parents to children. This is obvious. If your TV is off you are much more likely to talk to and interact with your child, but if the TV is on you simply will talk to your child less, giving them less opportunity to learn vocabulary and language patterns. (Not to mention the message you may be sending to your child that they are less important than whatever you are reading on your phone or computer or watching on TV).

"Television actually reduces the number of language sounds and words babies hear, vocalize and therefore learn." (Dr. Christakis)

5. Access to inappropriate content-When TV is on in the background, children are more likely to see something they are not ready to see. (Just think about the evening news or Victoria Secret commercials.)

Here is a list of other topics Dr. Berman discusses that I won't go into detail here, but think are worth reading:

-4 Ways Television is Making Kids Fat
-How Advertisers Influence Your Child's Thinking
-Recommended programming for kids over the age of 3

Finally, I want to end with a few of the most common reasons parents turn on the TV to keep children occupied during their first three years. If you can relate to any of these, Dr. Berman gives alternate solutions that work for each of the reasons, and they are definitely worth reading.

"I have to turn it on to make dinner."
"I need a few minutes to take a shower."
"She loves looking at the screen."
"I don't know what else to do with my toddler while I nurse my new baby."
"I don't want my child to be a social outcast."
"It's educational."

Many of the reasons parents give can be solved with solitary play. It's important for kids to learn to play for periods of time on their own. I agree with Dr. Berman that it's much easier to teach children solitary play from the beginning. Because I have no option of turning the TV on while I'm making dinner, Ellie has learned to either play alone for chunks of time, or to play and "help" me in the kitchen. She has her drawer of spoons and cups to play with, we talk and interact, and she's not in front of the TV while I'm preparing dinner.

My favorite tip from Dr. Berman? The Center for Screen-Time Awareness advocates two weeks every year where you turn-off your TV for an entire week. See what it does for you and your family!

Remember, this discussion is only to get people to think more about screen time, not to make you feel guilty for using TV with your kids. I humbly admit our TV viewing might look different if we owned a TV. Also, we are in front of our computers or Smart phones constantly, so this is something Michael and I are continuing to work on. We don't claim to have the answers or to even do all of this well.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on your own family's screen time experiences.

Teach the Love of Reading

Superbaby Book Highlights, Part 2: Language Development
(Read Part 1 here)

-Dr. Berman spends at least a chapter on the importance of talking to your child. It may sound obvious, but it's not. The idea is to look for opportunities to talk to your child. Let him/her gab and then take turns. This teaches conversational skills. She lists tips for encouraging language.

-Use sign language. We have been attempting to use signs to communicate since Ellie was fairly young. Now that she has picked up on a few (she understands most of the ones I do to her, but she only signs a few back) it has already eased our communication. The sign for "more" has become Ellie's sign for food. Whenever she's ready for a snack or to eat she signs "more". She also uses the sign when she's out of food on her plate and wants more. We also sign "all done" and "water" and "eat." We've been slowly adding to this list, signing "bath" and "sleep" and "ball," but I admit we haven't been as consistent with these. Instead of whining or grunting, Ellie can now sign and communicate with me which leaves us both much less frustrated. I love it and can't wait to use more signs. Signing has also been shown to increase vocabulary and to help children acquire speech earlier, have higher IQ scores, and enhances brain development. What's not to love? (If you have concerns, she addresses many of the common myths about using baby sign language in the book).

-The most important thing I believe I can do for my child: READ! I cringe when parents use reading as a punishment. How do we teach children to love reading when it becomes a dread? As a parent I need to model my own enjoyment of reading as well. We have literally been reading to Ellie since she was in utero. (We received this Dr. Suess book, Oh, Baby, the Places You'll Go: A Book to be Read in Utero, and loved it!)

We read multiple books before every nap and bedtime. Ellie can sit in our lap and look at books for long periods of time. We point out the animals and make the noises and touch the fuzzy books. Not only is it teaching her to enjoy books and reading, it's wonderful bonding time as well. Kids who are read to have better vocabulary, better attention span and memory, are better listeners, have better reading and writing skills in school, and are more creative and imaginative, to name a few benefits.

Studies have shown that people who live in poverty who can't afford expensive schools or preschools or other benefits of the middle and upper class can still do one thing more than anything else to give their children a head start: read to them! It seems so basic yet for so many people it's not a given that their children will be read to.

I love this quote, which applies to so much more than simply reading:

"What we teach children to love and desire will always outweigh what we make them learn." (Jim Trelease, The Read-Aloud Book)

So, model reading and teach your children to love books!

I'm excited to write about the next topic, but it will be a bit controversial for some: screen time (computers, TV) and babies.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Monday, October 24, 2011

I Respect My Baby

I read a lot. I'm a researcher (probably one of the reasons I was a history major) and I enjoy learning new perspectives and gaining information. When it comes to parenting, I can't get enough advice. Obviously there is room for just plain common sense, but I also like to have my own inclinations backed up with facts and research.

My most recent book: Superbaby: 12 Ways to Give Your Child a Head Start in the First 3 Years, by Dr. Jenn Berman. I saw it at the library and it looked promising.



I don't intend to give a full book review, but there were some great things in this book that I would love to share with other new parents. Some of her suggestions may seem extreme depending on your current lifestyle, and I'm not saying that I agree 100% with everything she says, but I do think she gives a lot of great information with solid research and that parents would do well to at least consider her advice, and pick and choose what works for you.

Her book covers topics that include respectful communication with your child, language development, establishing schedules and sleep time, play time, tv use and screen time, eating and nutrition, and exposure to toxic chemicals (plus more, but those are my favorites). I'm going to highlight the most significant points for me, and in a number of posts instead of one long one.

Note: I will be the first to acknowledge I'm a first-time mom and an idealist, though I have an extremely happy, healthy baby, so I have a right to be. I only have one child and there is much that I don't have to worry about with only one child. I don't claim to have all the answers, but I do think the words and wisdom I've gleamed from this book are worth sharing. I also recommend the book if you are at all interested in this topic because I'm not going to do the whole book justice with just a few bullet points of what I myself found helpful/interesting.

Respectful Communication

-Narrate everything. Tell your child what is going to happen. My own current example, "Ellie, I'm going to wipe your nose now." Instead of just bending down and wiping her nose with no warning and the inevitable fussiness that would follow, she has quickly learned to lean into the tissue and patiently accept it. This from a child who would start whining when she would see me approach with a cloth to wipe her face. I also talk to Ellie about everything we're doing. Everything. It might be why she is extremely verbal now too. "We're getting dressed now. Here's your left foot. Let's put your sock on. Let's read a few books before your nap."

-Reflect back what you see your child doing. This helps them feel seen/heard/understood.

-Another tip I have been using is the idea that I shouldn't just shush my baby or just say "you're fine," when clearly, she's not. Even something as simple as changing a diaper sometimes can be upsetting, usually because she was in the middle of playing. (Another great example of a time when I narrate by letting her know we are going to go eat, or change a diaper, instead of just scooping her up in the middle of play with no warning). So, when Ellie starts crying or fussing, instead of just saying, "oh come on, you're ok," or "don't cry," I try to say things like, "I know you're not excited about this right now. I'm just changing your diaper and then we can go back to play."

I love the process of feeling like I'm really respecting her as a person, and making her feel secure and safe by validating her feelings instead of trying to brush past them. I know that I don't like to be told that I shouldn't cry. If I'm crying, it's how I'm feeling, even if it's because of something silly, and I appreciate being allowed to cry if I want. It validates my feelings instead of making me feel foolish. This doesn't mean my child rules the roost or that I don't have boundaries, because that's a different topic, but I do attempt to let her feel what she's feeling without telling her she "shouldn't" feel that way.

-Give your child effective praise. Not just "good job" (which I still find myself saying a lot-old habits die hard) but being specific and intentional. Give encouragement or focus on the process and not the outcome. "You are working really hard on that puzzle." Or, saying thank you, "Thank you for being patient while I make lunch. I know you're hungry." Dr. Berman cites some studies in which basically it was found that kids who receive praise for effort tend to do better and accept more difficult challenges, whereas kids who are praised for intelligence or simply the final outcome are afraid of being wrong or not being smart enough, and end up taking less risks for fear of disappointing or failing.

-Let her know how her actions affect others. "When your sister was crying and you brought her a teddy bear, that really helped her feel better." I love this because it teaches the child to think for herself and to see how her empathy helped another person. I want to encourage that sense of sharing and selflessness as my daughter grows.

-I won't sway you with my opinion on this topic, but there is a section called "10 Reasons Why You Should Not Spank Your Child," that is worth reading, regardless of what your personal opinion may be on the topic. I think it's important to be well-informed before making any parenting decision.

I can hear the cynics now. I know some of you may think it seems cheesy or redundant to talk to a baby in this way, especially one who is 12 months and may not understand everything (although I would argue that she understands A LOT). I have been using these methods since I first read them and not only do they seem to work for even a baby as young as less than a year old, but I have a sense of fulfillment in knowing that I'm treating my own child with dignity and respect, something I hope to do throughout her entire life.

Stay tuned for the next installment: Language Development. I'm opting to skip the sections on Security/Bonding and Establishing Schedules because that is intended for newborns, and most of what she says is very similar to how we parented Ellie during her first several months. It's worth reading for you new parents because many of her tips are literally reasons I believe we have such a happy, healthy baby who eats anything we put in front of her AND has been sleeping through the night since she was 5 weeks old. I can also recommend the other books we used in her early days, if you're interested.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Monday, October 17, 2011

I'm THAT Mom

One year ago today was the eve of my daughter's birth. We don't have a crazy story of frantically rushing to the hospital at 2 am, or giving birth in our bathroom like these friends, or anything remotely close to labor at home. Instead, we calmly got in the car and headed to the hospital that afternoon at the predetermined time to begin the induction process. I was 5 days past my due date with low amniotic fluid, and my doctor didn't want me to wait any longer. Michael and I both wrote our experiences of Ellie's birth, here and here. The best lesson I learned was that I simply didn't care how she got here, only that she arrived, safe and perfectly healthy. We were blessed in these circumstances.

Tomorrow is my baby's first birthday. I've been struggling to even sort my thoughts and emotions around this. I have a one year old. Michael and I and Ellie make up a family. After years of struggle and waiting and hoping, we finally were blessed with the birth and presence of Ellie Grace.

And she's amazing. I know, I'm her mom, so it's easy to disregard my opinion at first, but it's true. From the beginning we've been blessed. She's a good eater (after a lot of hard work and stubbornness and dedication to the cause at the beginning), and now eats just about anything I put in front of her. A good sleeper. A happy, joyful baby, now almost toddler. She is an extrovert that loves people and smiles joyously at just about anyone who will give her attention. I already see glimpses of empathy in her, as she cries when other babies cry and loves to share her prized possessions, such as half eaten cheerios. She travels well and rarely fusses, even when sick or without her nap. Her teeth have popped in (she's up to eight) without much notice or change in her behavior while teething. We've been blessed with an extremely good-natured baby. We're almost spoiled by how low-maintenance she's been (we often wonder if our next child will be a hellion).

She squeals with ecstatic delight at the mere mention of "daddy." And doggies. (We're still working on mommy). She loves her baby dolls ("bee-bee", her newest word) and rocks them and kisses them and snuggles with them.

She loves to roll balls. She has several and could sit on the floor and roll them back and forth all day. We predict a future athlete. :) She loves books and will sit in our laps numerous times throughout the day and point out shapes and animals and her newest favorite, clocks. Yes, clocks.

In the past week or two she started doling out kisses to anyone and everyone who asks, and even to those who don't. Yesterday she even blew kisses. In case you are wondering, yes, my child is a genius. I believe that's the clinical term.

I laugh alongside her throughout our day. She's a chatterbox. Not that I know what she's saying, but I believe she's a bit of a verbal processor like her momma. And we giggle and laugh and find joy in opening and closing lids and feeding her babies their "bottles" and banging drums and dancing to music. Oh yes, Ellie loves to dance. She bounces up and down and smiles wide whenever music with a beat can be heard.

My heart is full to overflowing. I am blessed and grateful for this petite bundle of joy and energy. I am amazed at the intense pride and connection I have had with her since the moment I first laid eyes on her, and yet, it grows even more with each passing discovery and new word and cheesy grin.

Yes, I'm a first time mom and my baby is my world. Yes, I'm that mom that takes a zillion pictures of everything (I blame it on the scrapbooker inside me). Yes, I'm that mom who couldn't be more proud of my baby for figuring out how to open and close her barn, or how to stack two blocks on top of each other. I burst with pride this morning as she stacked her wooden shapes onto the wooden pegs. I will freely admit that I'm simply in love with my little girl. I miss her when she's sleeping or when I'm away from her (not that I don't look forward to or enjoy my down time, because I do). I love being a mommy. I was made for this.

I can't wait to see what year two will bring.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Birthday Party Fun!

After weeks of planning and building momentum, Ellie's birthday party came and went yesterday. The cake was baked and decorated, homemade ice cream made, presents bought, Mexican food deliciously prepared, and friends arrived to our home.

Besides Ellie's giraffe-print dress, which I made, her giraffe cake was one of my proudest moments. Not only did it look adorable, but it tasted fantastic as a super moist carrot cake with cream cheese frosting. Thanks to our friend, Emily, for helping with the cake, and to Michael, who helped with the overall shape.


I also threw together a mini cake for Ellie to eat:

Ellie was her usual happy, chatty self. She loved all the kids running around, loved the balloons, and was a ham, giving me her cheesy grin every time I asked for a smile for the camera. (And now, any time she hears the word "cheesy," she gives me the cheesy grin, as in, "Wow, these enchiladas are cheesy.")



I didn't get to take as many pictures as I wanted, but here are a few. We have some video we are going to try to post soon.

We decorated with pictures of Ellie (notice the big, ugly tree in our back yard).



We were curious how Ellie would do with us all singing to her, because in Colorado we did a "practice" birthday party and she did not like us singing to her:

This time, she did well:

She was a little unsure about eating the cake. She mostly squeezed the cake and frosting in her fingers and the majority of it ended up on her lap. I'm not sure if she took more than a bite or two. I'd like to think it's because she eats so healthy that she wasn't interested in sugar.



We tried to get a family photo, but Ellie decided to generously rub my face with cake:


The party was officially deemed a success. I am still processing the emotions of my baby turning one. Maybe I'll blog about that later.
In the meantime, Happy First Birthday to our Sweet Ellie Grace!

Monday, October 10, 2011

Birthday Time and Sewing Project #2

We had a great trip to Colorado, meeting Ellie's newest cousin. I posted pictures here.

We are busy getting ready for Ellie's first birthday party, which is this weekend. I know every mom says this, but I can't believe she's already one. This year has flown by. Ellie brings us so much joy. She is so happy that people constantly ask me, "is she always this happy?" and for the most part I can honestly answer, "yes." She loves people and isn't afraid of strangers. Whenever I fly she usually wants to sit on strangers' laps, and she flirts and waves to everyone she can.

I was trying to think of a fun theme for Ellie's birthday that wasn't super commercialized, and I thought about some of her favorite toys.

What do each of these photos have in common?








Granted, her "favorite" toy could be that only because it's what we gave her to play with a lot, but regardless, she loves her giraffes. I decided to attempt my second sewing project by making her a birthday dress. The fabric? Giraffe print!

Thankfully, my mother-in-law was able to assist and I know I couldn't have finished this dress without her as I've never sewed buttonholes before. The result:





We had fun making the birthday invitations, so I thought I'd share it, as I have been getting feedback about how fun it turned out:



We can't wait to celebrate our girl's first birthday!