My mom arrives on Saturday and the arrival of family makes the end seem tangible. I wasn't feeling overwhelmed about the birthing process itself but actually anxious about having to wait longer. Part of me is so ready to be done with this pregnancy that the idea of potentially a couple more weeks is hard to swallow. I'm tired and sore. I don't remember feeling quite this "done" at this stage with Ellie. I seem to be having a bit of pelvic pain and some Braxton Hicks which I didn't have with Ellie. I'm hoping this hints that this whole process will play out differently than an overdue baby and C-section.
Today I'm feeling less anxious about my week at home and trying to focus on bonding with Ellie. I'm excited to see her as a big sister but I know my firstborn little baby will not ever be quite the same again. Before naptime today we read Ellie's I'm a Big Sister book and it helped me to think of her that way.
Today I'm feeling a bit nervous about the birthing process itself. I hope to have a natural birth but have many doubts.
-Since I ended up having an epidural last time, will I give in sooner because I've tasted that relief before?
-Do I have the physical and mental stamina it will take to fight through the pain (if I even get to that point)?
-Does walking and eating spicy food and sitting on a birth ball really help induce labor?
-Am I really ready for sleepless nights and helping Ellie adjust to a newborn?
-Am I really ready for the pain of contractions and labor and giving birth?
The more ready I feel and simultaneously the more time that goes by, the more I question myself and whether I can do this. Though it's my second birth, there are many things I didn't experience the first time around that now are looming ahead of me, intimidating me and calling my confidence into question.
In the meantime, Ellie and I are enjoying time together. We finally set up our little pool in the back yard and are spending a lot of time staying cool in water.
(The blanket above her head is draped over our clothesline. My attempt at shade over the pool.)
Happy Summer Days to you!
3 comments:
Melissa I will be praying for you during this waiting period. So many different aspects to think about!
You can do it Melissa! Take one contraction at a time, and think of the ocean. Some waves come crashing in, and others roll along. Birth can be the same way. Bring some nice music and fill your room with peaceful music.
I am praying for you during this time of waiting. It is hard, and it can be very hard. You are almost there. xoxo Kathryn
You will do wonderful. Although perhaps a bit late, hypnobirthing is an excellent option for a natural birth. I'm wondering if you should really think of the reason for wanting a natural birth and for your partner to be supportive of it 100%. And when the time comes for you wanting an epidural, he will talk you out of it and more importantly, will support your decision for a natural birth. And believe me, every woman who has had a natural birth had a point in labor when they wanted relief from the pain unless they were truly focused. And are we really wanting to be seen as a tough woman for not getting an epidural or drugs or are we really wanting to protect our child from these drugs? (I hope we are wanting to protect our children) If you are wanting to be a tough woman, giving birth naturally or medicated is hard work. Be kind to yourself. Otherwise, have a natural birth for your child's sake and create a mental goal in your head and you WILL be successful with a natural birth, unless there are true medical interventions that are necessary.
Heather
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