Perspective

Today I opened my journal and fell across an entry dated July 1, 2009, exactly three years ago tomorrow. I was frustrated, depressed, anxious, worried, unsettled...the complaining went on and on.

Three years ago we had just moved to Colorado because we had no job prospects in Oregon. We moved in with Michael's sister and started applying for jobs. In the month of July I applied to over 40 teaching jobs, and Michael had applied to several as well.

We had both been unemployed for months, having recently returned from Rwanda, and were feeling the pains of having no money, jobs, health insurance, or direction.

We were also in our sixth consecutive month of "trying" to get pregnant. I was feeling pretty sorry for myself for all of the above, lamenting on how I wasn't getting any younger and how much I wanted to be a mom and how life was just pretty miserable.

Fast forward three years: we've been settled in Fresno for almost three years. Literally two weeks after that July 1 journal entry Michael was contacted by MCC and that got the ball rolling for us to move to Fresno within a month. We've been able to pay off all the debt we accrued while unemployed and even paid off a small school loan or two and saved some money before I quit my job to stay home with Ellie.

And the biggest change of all: I'm restless three years later, but for such an amazingly different reason. I'm waiting to give birth to my second daughter.

I've been anxious for the last few days and weeks, complaining about being pregnant and wanting this to be over, to hold my baby. Rereading my journal entries from three years ago was a helpful reminder to put this all in perspective.

I don't want to forget how much we struggled to get pregnant. I don't want to take for granted that I've been able to conceive three times, have one healthy, beautiful baby girl, have had two super healthy pregnancies, and will hopefully be giving birth to another healthy girl this week.

Today I'm accutely aware of how blessed and fortunate I am.

I am so thankful to be where we are today. I can look back and see God's timing in so many areas of our life (one of the many reasons I keep a journal). At times I wonder what God is up to these days with our family and what changes will happen next, but I want to take this intentional moment to just be so thankful for these precious moments of our life today, because they are fleeting.

I'm so looking forward to meeting my daughter this week.